Beginner's Mind

Winter Lagoon 20x20 oil

These past few weeks have been long and frustrating.  I have forgotten everything I have been trying to learn about how to paint.  In Buddhism, "beginner's mind" is supposed to be a good thing, opening one up to seeing the world afresh.  But when trying to paint something and feeling like one is just beginning, with no tools for translating an intention, the result is painful.  I've tried being patient, I've tried just dabbling away, waiting for inspiration to overcome me, I've tried walking away from it for days on end, but nothing has seemed to help me return to the process I had developed, for what it was worth, just a few months ago.  From what felt like being on the verge of taking a step forward in my understanding, I have fallen all the way back to nothingness.  The above painting is the result of days upon days of just adding a bit of glaze, slowly working the thing forward, very unlike the alla prima approach I have been used to.  Sometimes ten minutes is all I had in me, before discouragement got in the way.

The other thing I have done to try to break through is to work in my sketchbooks on small portraits.  It is easier to do, with few expectations for the outcome.  It at least keeps my hand and eye connected in the effort to put down color and value in the right place.  Like a runner with a pulled hamstring I find myself limping along, looking toward the future.

And lastly, a copy of a painting by Zorn, trying to understand how he dealt with the lighting.